What a difference a bit of time can make..

Hello batfans,

It's been awhile since I've updated the blog. I'm sure you're wondering what has been going on in the world of insane internet dating that I seem to find myself in on a constant basis, and well-I suppose it's time to tell you.

I'm with someone. Yes, that's right, I'll say it again-I'm no longer dating, or looking, or even considering looking.

How's this, you say? What in the world changed, you ask? I'll tell you if you have some time, because this is going to likely turn into one of my famous novellas. So grab yourself a cup of something warm and wonderful and sit back to read the story.

As you all know my focus for internet dating was to meet people for friendships, and hope that down the line sometime one of those relationships would develop into something more substantial. I will tell you that I did not deviate from that plan, but there are times when you cannot escape fate. There are definitely situations in life that you look back on and think "if not for a divine hand, that never would have happened"-and that is what I think about my current situation.

We'll go back almost four years ago, when I was new to the Eugene area. Using the internet was the way that I networked myself when I moved here. It worked decently, and I have maintained quite a few friendships over the years from that point in time. One of those friendships was with a guy I met online, Nate.

Now, Nate and I talked online for awhile back in the day before we met face to face. At the time, I was hung up on one of my most recent epic failure relationships, so I was not in a good place to date even though I think Nate would have dated me in a second. Being the type of person he is, though, a friendship was all that we had and he never pushed for more.

We were friends for about a year before I was in a place where I was ready to date seriously. At that point in time, as luck would have it, Nate was recently single after a rather nasty toxic situation he was in, so we did date very briefly. I will tell you that it was wonderful and I don't think I can look back on many dating situations that did not pan out and say it was a good experience, but the time I spent with him was definitely worth it.

Unfortunately, batfans, Nate was not ready for anything serious because his emotion was still tied up in his ex, so we stopped dating and he tried to fix the relationship he had just gotten out of. Now, I will not lie and say this was a painless experience for me-I knew how unique Nate was and I admired him greatly, so I was hurt when this happened..but first and foremost I was his friend, and he was mine, so I accepted his decision as gracefully as I could muster (though I did suggest rather forcefully to him that the relationship he was going back into was not good for him, as a good friend should) and we reverted to being friends.

The months went by, and his situation got worse rather than better..but in the meantime I met my most recent ex, and our relationship started. Around this time, Nate's toxic situation ended permanently. He'll say that looking back, if I had been single at that point in time he would have asked for a second chance because he realized what potential we had as more than friends, but..that is not what happened. Instead, he saw that I was with someone and respected that fully-and due to circumstances in his life moved to California to try to get his life back to where he wanted it to be.

We did not have much interaction for the next year, the person I was with was very jealous so any male friends caused arguments, and Nate could see that I was still with someone (God love myspace!) and, being true to his nature, he respected that by keeping some distance so as not to interfere with what I had going on. Instead he worked on the issues that caused his life to spiral out of control, and stayed single for a year and a half to work on him.

Let's fast forward now, to the point where I am single again. One of the first people that I reconnected with was Nate. It was just a hi, how are you, type of situation at first-with laments about how much we missed each other's friendship. It quickly grew to spending hours talking, catching up, and musing about the past. From there it became obvious that we had both changed quite a bit, and that those changes seemed to make us even more compatible than we were before.

Nate let me know that he would be up in October, and offered one day during a discussion about how my daughter loves bulldogs, to give her a puppy from an upcoming breeding session from his bulldog-on one condition, that I let him take me on a real date when he was here. I accepted that, because what harm could one single date do yes? especially with someone I consider a good friend.

That made me stop and think. What would it be like to date him? We continued talking, more and more each day..and then it was crystal clear that yes, this is the type of person that I want to be in a relationship with. Here is someone who knows me, who I know-who does not have anger issues (not even a little, I have never seen him angry at me in the three plus years we've known each other, even when I may have deserved it!) who's likes and dislikes are very similar to my own, and who holds the same beliefs as I do.

So, here we are-both of us eagerly awaiting a visit he will be making mid-september ..and waiting even more eagerly for him to move up here in October.

I never would have foreseen this, and I don't think that it was a random situation by any sense of the word. I believe that God watches us closely, and of course gives us freewill, but once in awhile you are in a situation and if you listen very closely you'll hear that little voice that says, "This is a gift I have for you, please accept it". That is how I feel about Nate. What a beautiful little gift, no matter the outcome, God has given me. The opportunity to date someone who is a true friend, first and foremost.

Now that I'm done being somewhat sappy and moon-eyed...What does this mean for this blog??

Well, it means that the focus will change a bit. I will likely still chronicle the journey (Sorry Nate, that means that I'll be poking fun of situations we find ourselves in! Hah!) because I enjoy the creative outlet. You'll likely have to listen to me run on, and on, and on, about Nate's incredible talent musically..because he's really really really really fantastic. And there may be times where this isn't as humorous as it was in the beginning, but it will still be uniquely me.

I hope you'll continue to follow, God only knows (literally) what is to come-but I am looking forward to it with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.

Until next time-laugh more. Life is far, far too short!

A creeper huntin' we will go..a creeper huntin' we will go..Hi ho the dairy-o...

Well batfans,

It's been awhile since I graced you with my epic prose of loveliness, so I figured I would take a few moments this morning to catch you all up on the craziness that is my internet dating life.

Where did we leave off? Oh yes, with some odd chickens and a few nuggets of lovely goodness. Where should we start today? I say with the creepers, then we'll move on to some more nuggets of goodness.

Last time I wrote I shared with you the crazy guy who freaked out over two texts. When I finished that entry I was certain that it would be the last time I would comment on it..but just when you think it's safe to go back into the water...*Jaws music here*.

Yes, that's right, the insanity from that corner of the world is not over yet! Now, batfans, let's point out that this person, who I will call "B", and I met on plenty of fish. Plenty of fish is a decent place, really. I've met some people that I am happy to call a friend there, and I've met some people that I could really do without as you will soon see. There's a lovely feature on PoF called "block" that I have to use once in awhile when someone's creeper level shoots up like the space shuttle..and in this case, with "B", I was happy that there was such a thing, so imagine my surprise when I see there's an email from him on PoF waiting for me. "What's this?" I ask myself, "Didn't I block him? Yes, yes I did...hrmm." So I open it. Now here is my first mistake. I should have just deleted and tried to block him again, but you know what they say about curiosity..

I will point out that it has been over a week and a half since I last spoke to "B" in the epic showdown in my living room. I thought, "self maybe he feels bad now that he's sober.." as I was clicking read..only to find out that this most certainly is not the case!

The message went something like this:

I would be surprised if you could find someone who would actually take the time to read your "bullshit" profile,, Because honestly, your not worth IT!!!!!!! Your asking way too much, for what your offering!!!!!!!

Oh cruel life, do not make me endure anymore of this! I am so wounded that I must now cry into my Cheerios for ten days and pray that I endeavor to become a better person more worthy of people like this!!

Hahaha, not. So I read the message, and I laugh. Seriously? Are we two again? Let's dissect what was said, shall we?

I would be surprised if you could find someone who would actually take the time to read your "bullshit" profile,,

Translation: Damn it I am pissed off because you're not paying attention to MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because honestly you're not worth IT!!!!!!!

Translation: Damn it I am pissed off that you're not talking to MEEEEEEE and I didn't get what I waaaaaaaanted!

Your (sic) asking way too much, for what you're offering!!!!!!!!

Translation: WHY WOULDN'T YOU DATE MEEEEEEEE! WHY WONT YOU PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE!

I mean, seriously, you've all read my profile. Let's contemplate for a moment *silence*

Ahh yes, asking for friendship with the open door to more down the line is most certainly asking "too much" from someone like "me". I'm sure my friends are all nodding their heads in stoic agreement!

PAHAHAHHAHAHAAH

Ahem. Sorry, batfans, but now and again the situations I find myself in are far too funny and bizarre for me not to laugh my ass off.

Let's move on to another move I see way too often in internet dating. The 'quick draw'. On ok cupid I got a message:

Hi,

You're hot, love to get to know you. Do you have a cell? My cell is XXX XXX XXXX.

Cheers,
"S"

Reading messages like this always make me shake my head and laugh. This is a classic case of someone who did not read my profile at all, and is trolling pictures only. Let's start with the fact that he is way, way too young for me to consider even a serious friendship with...much less anything else, ever. If my daughter is closer to your age than I am? Not going to happen, buddy, ever.

So let's once again dissect this message:

You're hot

Translation: I did not do anything but see your pictures.

Would love to get to know you

Translation: I want to get into your pants.

Do you have a cell? Mine is ...

Translation: I would love for that to be tonight, and I will probably forget your name because I'm doing this with about 30 other women praying that someone will say yes.

As per normal, I ignore the message. A few seconds later an okcupid IM pops up on my screen, and it's "S". Now, there's nothing quite like getting confirmation that your translation skillzzz are dead on, and I got them with this short IM conversation. I will say, up front, that I was not honest about my cell phone working, but I wanted to see where he was going-fodder for the blog and all:

Blog Fodder
-----------
[10:41:25 pm]"S":hi

[10:42:07 pm]SuchJadedBeauty:hey, this IM thing never works right so if it closes I apologize

[10:42:18 pm]"S":ok

[10:42:21 pm]"S":do u have acell?

[10:42:52 pm]SuchJadedBeauty:I don't right now

[10:44:43 pm]"S":house phone?

[10:44:45 pm]"S":maybe ?

[10:44:50 pm]"S":what are you doing tonight

[10:44:57 pm]SuchJadedBeauty:nah I only have a cell number but my phone is fucked up.

[10:45:14 pm]"S":do you wana hang out tonight?

[10:45:21 pm]"S":whats wrong with the phnoe

[10:45:53 pm]SuchJadedBeauty:Dropped it and messed up the sim card or something. Have to take it in and get a new one when I can, and can't hang out tonight sorry am about to head to bed

[10:46:29 pm]"S":can i head to bed with u

[10:46:51 pm]SuchJadedBeauty:Uh, not so much, but thanks for asking! Not my thing.

Yes, batfans, this really happened. No, I did not embellish or create it for the sake of my blog alone, that would defeat the purpose! I do love it when I'm right on my 'reads' though...

One more thing that happened that I should likely bring up in the 'what not to do' section. I mentioned in earlier posts that calling me 'baby' ten minutes into our first conversation will only make me think you're creepy and possibly insane. Well, if you happen to use the cell phone number you have, when we've only talked on the phone once briefly, to call me at 1:30am and tell me you were just needing to hear a friendly voice...well you can guarantee that I will likely never again speak to you because you just crossed the line from creepy to full on code red avoid like the plague status.

At 1:30 am my phone should ring for several reasons, only:

My kids-any reason here
My family-any reason here
My CLOSE friends-need a ride home or to the ER or are really down.

IF you do not fit into one of those very specific categories, and IF we are not about to be married, DO NOT CALL ME THIS LATE, EVER.

Now that I got that off my chest...let's move onto some good!

I had a meet/greet with two people; "L" and "J". Separate days, since they don't know each other, but each went very well. "L" is a musician locally and I sat and listened to his band play at a local bar. I then proceeded to stay up like I was 16 again sitting at Shari's until ungodly hours of the morning..for which I paid dearly the next two days. Mental note: no matter how young I feel, my body's sleep requirement is NOT negotiable!

"J" and I did karaoke at Diablo's Sunday night. We met a very interesting fellow who looked a lot like Jay from Kevin Smith movies (Jay and Silent Bob to throw something out for those who don't know who Kevin Smith is) and who danced almost identically to him as well. We laughed, way more than should be legal, and I even insulted the cats in the neighborhood by mewling out a song of my own on the mic!

I met with a friend I'd been chatting with for awhile, "O", at Alton Baker park. I managed to not get eaten by the insane, bigger-than-I-am geese, but the tree we were sitting under apparently has it in for me. I have never in my life been thunked in the head by little prickly things that fall from trees more than I was in that short few hour span. The conversation was great, and once again I laughed more than should be legal. AND I got the most amazing gift, EVAR. "O" knows I am a huge hot chocolate freak, so he brought me a book he had previously taunted me with owning that has more ways that I ever thought possible to make the nectar of the Gods! I'm SO working my way through that, one different type a week, starting when the baby boy is back home with me!!

The amazing dating race idea is in full swing! I have had several people ask me if I would seriously work with "L" and come up with something like this..After pondering it for awhile more, yes yes I would.."L" and I are meeting hopefully this weekend to dive into the creative idea further and determine how feasible it actually will be. I have some GREAT ideas already and Eugene is a wonderful venue for something just like this..stay tuned for details, or if you're interested in joining a race of this sort should we actually make it happen, get with me! We'll start a list and see if we can't make it a reality!


I think I will end here, batfans. I have more to say, but this is becoming a long entry, and I need to ponder my next one since it's less funny and more me musing over a situation that has come up. It's a good situation, but unexpected, so no worries. I'll write about it next time, maybe.

Until then, laugh more, life is TOO short!

Q&A plus one normal meet and greet, and what not to do.

Hello batfans!

Today we're going to do things a bit differently. Apparently since I started writing this I have now become a 'go to' girl for questions on women and dating. I welcome this role because, well I've been around the block and can likely give you an opinion on any given situation because I have seen it or been faced with it. Realize that the opinion you're getting is not a general rule, just one woman's perspective. So this is an open call. Have questions? Get them to me, I'll do my best to answer. Anonymously of course.

Without further ado, the questions!

NOTE TO MY DAUGHTER: THIS SECTION IS A BIT TMI SO YOU MAY WISH TO SKIP. I WILL WRITE WHEN IT IS SAFE TO READ AGAIN IN CAPS LIKE THIS SO YOU CAN RESUME.

My friend "Z" asks:

I just...okay...gonna be blushing and embarrassed as I type this...I think it'd be really hot to find a "buddy" who enjoyed receiving oral. I really like doing that. Not so much receiving, but love giving it. We're talking I might even be able to go without actual intercourse because I seem to really enjoy the reaction doing that gets. K...super blushing right now. But how do you even BEGIN to approach a woman with that?

Well "Z", first of all your desire is not all that uncommon, so don't feel like you're some odd freak. You'd be surprised at how many times I have heard this from men. Now let's get right to the meat of things. To answer your question: How do you begin to approach a woman with that, is with honesty. Develop a friendship, and once you have a friendship established and it seems to be heading towards something more, have an honest conversation with her about your likes/dislikes and what it is you're looking for. Conversations about sexual likes/dislikes should not be awkward, and in my opinion should occur between two people looking at taking things to the next level. If you are not compatible isn't it better to find out at the beginning?

You will never find what you want, if you do not ask for it. Now, and this is very important, what you should not do, however, is go into a physical situation without defining your boundaries-on both sides. If this will never be romantic/dating/long term for you, but will be only friends with 'benefits' then be honest and say that is the only thing you're capable of, and see how that fits in with her needs.

There is nothing worse than being told what you "want to hear", and finding out later that it was a crock of crap in order to get something from you. This makes the man/woman on the crappy end of this stick feel like you took away their ability to make informed decisions. At our age, especially, we're perfectly capable of deciding if what you're offering is enough for us, or if we want to pass on what you're offering in order to wait for something more substantial. Honesty is always the best policy. Always. Always. Did I say always?

OK DAUGHTER YOU CAN START READING AGAIN DID NOT WANT TO CREEP YOU OUT!

Another friend, "B", asks,

JB, do all women really want romance? Is that a must have? If so how do you achieve it?

Well "B", this is a tricky one. I say tricky because the definition of romantic changes drastically from woman to woman. One might like to be wined and dined with roses and jewelry (I'll never understand those desires), while another will want you to help in the house, do the dishes once in awhile, and perform other acts of kindness/service (not that kind of service you sick-o-fontes!) to feel romanced, while another (and this is me, for those who care to know)craves time together, snuggles, laughter, or star gazing on a blanket while you tell silly jokes. Do I think every woman wants romance? No, I think there are many who are very practical/logical who don't need that in a relationship.

But how can you tell? Again, the key is communication. Ask her. What is romantic to her? Does she want the "sweep you off your feet" romance that is depicted in romance novels? Does she want a more practical dating experience that fulfills her desires? Once she's told you though, really examine what she has said and determine whether or not that is something that fits with the things you like to do, and decide if it is something you can easily, without resentment, do for long term if things should get serious. It does no good, in the long run, to act outside of your nature in just the beginning knowing full well it will not last. What happens then, is you hook her (or him, this does go both ways!) but then revert to your normal persona and leave her/him sorely lacking in an essential area. Recipe for disaster, that one!

Honesty, honesty, honesty. Be who you are! Find a mate that is compatible on as many levels as possible and work for compromise on the others. That's my opinion, anyway.

This concludes the Q&A section for now. Onward and upward to bigger and funnier things, at least I think!

So, I had a meet and greet with an online friend yesterday. Hot chocolate at Starbucks, always a winner for me. It was a good time, so I don't have any Creeper McCreeperson stories to tell, but! We did come up with a fantastic idea to help those who are newer to dating determine if they are compatible right off the bat!

What's that you say? Share you say? Ok you dragged it out of me.

"L" and I have decided that a dating version of the Amazing Race is in order here in Eugene. It won't be some long drawn out weeks long situation, obviously, but a one day ordeal. The concept goes like this: If you're dating someone and want to know how compatible you will be on the roads of life, contact "L" and I and we will set up a one day "Amazing Race" through Eugene. You will show up in the morning, get a clue to your task, a vehicle (that's been rigged to certainly break down) and your next destination. The two of you work together throughout the day to make it to the final destination by a specific time while encountering all sorts of frustrating and difficult challenges along the way!

Why on earth would anyone do this, you ask? Simple, because life is not sunshine and butterflies and rainbows. If you're in the dating game for a potential life partner you kinda want to know going into it whether or not, when times get tough, you'll be able to communicate and work together. Why wait for life to throw something at you? Let us do that for you! Find out faster how she is when she's really frustrated and angry! Find out how he reacts to things he cannot fix!

I, personally, think this is brilliant and wish I had been able to do this with my last relationship. And the one before, er..and my ex husband..Hrmm...I may have to seriously consider this as a 'must do' for any future dating partners!

Last, but not least, let's get to some creepiness shall we? This is an expansion on what not to do #2 from yesterday:

So, I met this guy about a week and a half ago. I went into it like I go into every meeting, with the expectation of making a new friend and nothing more. We clicked, he was fun. Said he was all the right things for a friend, and potential dating down the road partner. Nice, respectful, polite, etc etc.

Now I will be open and honest and tell you, batfans, that I am steadfast in my "no physical affection" rule. This is crucial for me. I stuck by my guns with this one even though he obviously wanted it to progress further. No, no Boo-Boo as my daughter would say, we need to really know each other first before anything happens (including kissing. I give out kisses on the cheek. That's it!)

I remained steadfast, he remained wanting more. I won. Thank God now, because as you will see in a moment, had I not the drama would be in full swing!

We were hanging out, went to dinner (not a date, just two friends hungry) then decided to watch Tropic Thunder. We arrive at my house when lo and behold! as he was preparing the DVD player I received two texts. I read them, and responded. Just two, mind you, to let my friends texting know that I was busy. Not excessive right? I'm not getting or receiving or sharing texts every 2 minutes, or sextification. Just normal conversation!

Well, this person decides to throw a fit. I had to blink a few times because it was much like watching a two year old fling themselves on the floor and scream because you took his candy. There was storming out of the house. There was angry voice. There was much weirdness. I explain it was 2 texts, friends asking what I was doing, and I let them know I was busy (which I should NEVER have had to do, at this point, or any point really, it's not his business who I'm talking to or what I'm saying, but I digress I am a people pleasure so I try to make it all better).

This did not satisfy this friend, I was told I'm rude and always on that damn phone. Mmkay, I admit I like to text, but I am not like the 50000 messages texter. Normally it's my daughter or my best friend, and I'm sorry if you can't handle that we'll never make it.

I opted to take him home since he was being bitchy, and end things there. No friendship for you if you're this clingy a week in, sorry!

I thought that was the end of it, but no batfans! I get home to be ensconced in drama via yahoo messenger. I ignore it and go to bed only to get up yesterday and have a calm drama free (er from that corner anyway) day. Fast forward to last night: I get a lovely little message on my PoF account that stated the following:

I just finished reading all of your profile. I feel sorry for anyone who reads all of that. It's gibberish and bullshit. You should get a life and stop writing all that crap!!!!!!!

*blink blink* Are we two here? What is the major malfunction Pile?

I just don't get it. If you didn't read my profile, why did you even contact me? Had you done so then maybe I would not have had to endure your beer-induced moments of being a jerk.

I feel cheated! CHEATED! I work hard on that profile, it's my baby, and you just ignore it and go straight for the message because of the pictures?!?!! How in the world do you know what type of person you're meeting if you don't bother to read what they write?!

Oh yah, you're male, and some males (I realize not all are like this) don't care WHO you are as long as you have boobs and they can potentially get what they want.

Barking up the wrong tree here! Maybe that will be my next update on my profiles "If you have read this profile then you have a good idea of who I am and what I'm looking for. To prove you didn't just see the pictures and click 'reply' please include some reference from my profile in your first message."

What's next? Having to fingerprint someone before meeting them?

Er..hrm. THAT is not a bad idea either...

So, the moral of this story? I must be going about it right, because in a past life I likely would have ended up dating the above guy rather quickly without seeing what he's like after the facade falls, and found myself in yet another tragic breakup situation sometime down the line.

YAY ME THIS REALLY WORKS!

To finish, a few snippets of goodness:


"D" writes:

I have to say the funniest things do happen - I was talking to a female who had an ad running, and her stories had me pretty laugh-damaged by the time she was done. Everything from the body builder midget to the guy who kissed her with awful breath and "really thick saliva". I uncontrollably said EWWWWWW! like a third grader, but louder.

I just had a kind of soft job offer there, someone who almost begged me a couple of weeks ago. He said come by when you get to town. Isn't that what Carnival workers do? Hmm, I think I am moving up in the world.

Maybe I shouldn't have made my resume in txt msg stile? Live and learn.

Sex now?

"R" who is quickly becoming one of my favorites, EVER, and who I cannot wait to hang out with in person 'cause I just know we are SO GOING TO BE FRIENDS, writes:

Hey Baby,

My PO gave me a break to get on the computer(they have certain sites blocked, don’t know why) to send my homies a message. So I thought I would drop you an e-mail, is that cool babe? So, sugar lips, you were up kinda late last night, at least the light was still on in your house. And who’s car was that in your driveway, I didn’t recognize it. Hold on, one of my beotches(sp?) is sending me another nude pic, wanna see? Ooh, I am naked in it too, I am going to send it to you for sure! You don’t mind if we have an open relationship do you sweetie? I can invite her over sometime, we can just get drunk, I’ll slip you a roofie and we can smoke another bowl, we’ll make a weekend out of it. You bring the beer, I either want no label or the $2 a bottle stuff, got it schnookims? So in conclusion, bring some gas money and a car, I don’t drive or have a job, buy some condoms, I like menthol cigs by the carton, and you should wear something tight and revealing. Can you handle all of that? Thanks doll.

And, in closing, "J" writes:

I am not sure what people usually first notice about me. Probably the tube socks I shove in my pants before going out in public. Haha, just kidding...or am I?

Until next time batfans! Laugh more, life is too short.

Let's talk about what's new..

Well, there are a few new things that have happened in the quest to find new friends and potentially a dating partner that I feel the need to share.

First, let's talk about some of the funny emails I have gotten in the past few days. These are all responses to the profile (below) on craigslist. Now, craigslist is a tricky little monster, and it takes guts to go for glory there. It's kinda like those duck pond games you play at the fair. You throw your net in and have NO IDEA what you will come out with!

To give you an idea, here are a few snippets from emails that I laughed my butt off over. Up to bat, the GOOD:

"R" in response to what we would do on a first 'date':

For a first date, I think that we should hang out at the nude park on swingers night. Then we can drive to Reno, elope, smoke a bowl, kill a bunch of people, then ourselves. Did I cover everything? Just kidding by the way, I hope you figured that out. If not, please put down the phone and tell the cops never mind. Seriously, I would like to get a drink or coffee or whatever and sit down and talk. Get to know each other and go from there.

That one won some brownie points. There are prizes for brownie points at 20, 40, and 100!

"D" who is way younger than my required minimum age of 30 writes:

Why would you want a borring old 40 year old? When we could be surfing, windsrfing , rock climbing, or like how would you go to a party with a 40 yr old he would want to leave by eleven. Thats when you start to get borring is about 40 now you may have your own reason to want a 40 year old but I will give yu a good reason to be with a 25 year old, ok # 1-Im 25-#2- you reach your sexual peak at about 23to27 not that you are lookingfor sex but if you do get intimate hes gonna be like hold on babe lemme get my viagra that leads me to #4 - old balls and I am going to stop there YOU ARE WAY TO CUTE to be kikin it with some old guy and If you are looking for a maturity level then dont look at age I know some 18 year olds that are more mature than some 50 year olds I know HOWEVER age IS just a NUMBER But Time is Real and its about time that you get with some one your own age whos diaper you wont have to change some day :) j/k but for reals haha im just JOSHIN YA GURL you seem cool enough

No brownie points here, because of the obvious inability to use spellcheck, but I was most amused!

"T" writes:

I do have a degree in criminal justice and have never been in trouble with the police. I actually have several friends that work for APD. So I won’t need to call my po and tell them that I’m going to leave the house.

Yes, this is important. I should add that to my profile somewhere: Must not be on parole. You'd be surprised how much that should actually BE a disclaimer! But, then again, this is craigslist we're discussing.

The not so good:

Ok, moving away from the craigslist emails, let's take a few moments to go over what you should NOT do if you're attempting to build a friendship with any hopes of ever dating me. Well, anyone I would think, but me specifically:

1-Please do not call me 'baby' after we have talked exactly 15 minutes, ever. This is a bit creepy. I don't mind that you're telling me that your goal is to find someone to share life with and be everything to you, but when you start calling me by pet names normally reserved for that special someone in your life, well it begins to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and my entire brain screams "STALKER!". I don't like stalkification, unless you're stalkifying my blog because you find me amusing. That kind is ok.

2-If we are hanging out, and I get 2 texts in 4 hours which I happen to respond to, it is not good form to throw a giant fit. Now, I will digress and say I have written about this exact subject, but there is a huge difference between 2 texts in 4 hours telling friends that I already have plans, and texting for 1/2 the time you're with someone and sharing your sexting adventures. One is acceptable in most circles (the first one for those who are unsure) and one is, well, bad form.

3-If you feel the need to send me pictures of the areas of your body that should never been seen unless you are in a bedroom or a hospital, well..let's just say that we're not even going to get to the friendship level. Now, don't get me wrong, I am decidedly heterosexual and I can appreciate the differences between men and women, but really?? I have no desire to see your business, sir, as a 'hi this is me' picture-or in pictures ever most likely. Not to mention, most of the ones I get this way, well are just not impressive. So you've struck out in 2 different ways! Not so good for you, but amusing for me.

And that, batfans will do it for today. I am quite certain that I will have more fodder soon..so stay tuned!

The online dating profile that started it all..

Well batfans,

To give you an idea of what I'm working with, I thought a good place to start would be to post the online profile that I am currently working with. At the bottom of the profile, past all the 'blah blah blah' stuff, you will see the updates that inspired this blog. From this point, all posts will be new 'updates' or answers to any questions I get, or stories from other batreaders.

To answer the question: Where do I have this profile? Well, in two places. Plentyoffish.com which is a free online networking/dating site, and craigslist. Yes, you read that right, craigslist. Why do I do that to myself? I dunno, but I've met some cool people that way so I won't knock it, too hard.

I guess I'm just not at the point of wanting to pay to meet people, so until such a time that I am convinced that the free options just ain't working, I'll go with what's available.

Without further ado: the profile!

About you:

I'm "that girl". You know the one, the one who is sweet and sometimes too nice, the one who loves to nurture the people in her life, who wakes up with a smile on her face most days, who loves to laugh, who is silly, who is faithful to a fault, who gives until she can't give anymore, and who can play video games with the best of them.

I'm not normal, well if there is such a thing. I'm more likely to be in jeans and a t-shirt than anything else, music is a must have in my life, and I can be geeky. I love tattoos, have a few and plans for more. I think people are beautiful, inside and out, I'm a hobby photographer, and a nursing student. I'm mom to two beautiful kids, one who graduates this year and one in 3rd grade.

I'm not an angry person, even when I should be, and I don't do anger well. Yelling isn't in my nature, so anyone I interact with shouldn't go there easily either. Pessimism drains me, sure life can be crap, but we only have one go round so why focus on the bad, when you can find and focus on the good?

I love to dance, I think 80's night is the best thing ever, sometimes. I also love movies, and am just as good with a night on a couch watching movies with someone special as I am going out.

I can be intense, and I love to get to know people. I admit that I love to spend time with my 'someone special' and am not one who is good with once a week, unless schedules dictate that, but I also can respect someone's personal time with the guys.

I'm not into games, I'm 420 friendly but only if it's an occasional thing and not a necessity in someone else's life, I don't partake personally. I don't drink, and I don't do any other drugs either. I'm probably the least materialistic person I know, so as long as you can hold your own financially we'll get along just fine. I don't need to be wined and dined, but romanticism is welcome-as is creativity.

I'm not into dating a bunch of people at once, I'm past that in life. Things either click, or they don't. No need to waste time if it doesn't, but friends are always a welcome thing in my life! And I'm not into casual sex, at all.

I am not a barbie, I am not Roseanne Barr. I'm curvy, short, and working to get to where *I* want to be body wise, but I'm not ashamed of where I am now.

I believe in love, even if it hasn't always worked out right for me in the past. I am on good terms with almost all of my exes, which is important to me. I don't think you should hate someone you once loved if you can help it.

Eh, there's more, but you'll have to write to find out what!

Disclaimer about the updates section

Oook, before I get anyone's pants in a bunch, I should explain. The updates section will be used for a tongue-in-cheek somewhat sarcastic and meant to be funny look at some of the situations I find here on POF. Please do not get your feelings hurt, or think I'm a super b*itch if any of the situations described pertain to you or things you may have done/said on here before (to me or not). I'm sarcastic in my humor, and I am writing things down that make me laugh. If I can't laugh at myself and the situations I find myself in, what can I laugh about? So, go with it. Laugh more. Life's too short to be upset and angry!

*Update 1* Ok maybe I need to be a bit more clear from some of the messages I've gotten on what I am looking for. Ultimately I am seeking a long term relationship, however that takes time to build-so when I am meeting people here I am going into things with the only expectation being making a new friend.

I'm not about to meet someone with the idea that they are 'the one', that would be premature-and expectations ruin things. I don't believe you can have a successful relationship that lasts long term without really knowing the person before jumping into it. So, if you're good with being friends, feel free to message me!

Er, this is for all of those guys who have messaged me asking what I'm looking for, and when I say the above they respond with "ok I'll never message you again". Wow, thanks buddy! I'm quite certain that I wasn't offensive, and if the concept of being friends is that upsetting..well I'd really recommend some time away. Or medication. Or both.

Not sure I'm all about meeting someone who already has our wedding date planned before he even knows my middle name. I mean, really, middle names are important..Very important.

*Update 2* Er, so I'll need to clarify on the 80s night thing. No, this does not mean I will be "Dirty Dancing" with you. No I'm not interested in how you "Beat It". I will dance with you with the appropriate amount of space between us, but beware, I will make you look like a silly white boy on that dance floor because I channel Michael Jackson when I'm out there..no, really, I do. (In my head anyway).

*Update 3*Ok so apparently this is also a video game where you can get points and win. I'm competitive, so I desperately want to beat my friend who currently has 1900 points. I'm not sure how you get points here, is it the number of profiles you click? The number of people you message? The number who messages you? I'm not sure, so if you know message me and I will be a happy panda. Must. win. Must. win. the PoF game.

*Update 4* So, my PoF friends and fans, if when we meet to hang out you are so busy texting 5000 other girls that there are many awkward turtle moments of silence in our conversation, and you decide to share that they are inviting you to come join them in the shower...well, that's great and all but be prepared for the fact that we are just going to be friends. Sexting may be awesome to you, but sexting while out with someone else-eeeh, not so much! Just sayin...

What would you do on a first date?

On a first date it would depend on the person, coffee, a movie, dancing..I'm not picky!

*Update* Well ok I'm a little picky, so it'd have to be somewhere public, at least until I can verify that you're not some creeper. And it'd have to be something that required clothing, 'cause I'm not all about being naked right off the bat (or soon after, for those who are hoping otherwise).


*********Please note****************
I do have a life outside this little square box with keys that brings me such joy. This means sometimes I'm sitting down for 2 seconds, and I click to read your message.

If I don't respond right away, that means I didn't have time to-so if you feel the need to block me immediately after you see that I have read, but not responded, then please see update #1 about time away and medication.

If I don't respond after a few days, then try messaging me again-if you're not blocked it means I may have missed your message, or forgotten to respond to it..if you ARE blocked? Please see update #1 about time away and medication, because it would take a lot of super creeperness to make me block someone.

What is this all about??

Hello batfans!

Well finally I am getting off my duff and getting this thing started. I've had a few people ask me what in the world this is all about, so my first blog will be an explanation.

1-I am single again after a few years out of the dating pool.

2-When I started looking to expand my social network, which had dwindled to almost nothing due to an unfortunate choice in partners which we will not spend a lot of time on at the moment, I realized that I wanted to do things a bit differently this go round.

See, normally I am a date one guy at a time type, and I end up in relationships with the first person I date that I click with. This is all well and good, but what ends up happening is as time goes on and emotions are in play I realize we are not a good match at all! This leads to an unhappy me, and normally some tragic breakup.

3-Since I am somewhat intelligent at times, though in the ways of love I am a blind naive fool most often, I decided that this time around I would do it differently. Instead of dating a bunch of people, or dating just one, I decided to look for friends first..get to know people, then we can decide if dating is an option once we've established a friendship. I know, I know, novel concept (not!) but it is novel to me.

So I embarked on my quest, and I have found, so far, that 9 out of 10 times there is something hilariously funny that happens during the 'meet and greet' phase of every new friend I encounter. At first, I was using my online dating profiles to record the funny things that happened, but then I started running out of room! Oh the horror! So this blog was born.

I encourage anyone else out there over 30 (I know the title says 35, but 30 is close) that has funny internet dating stories to email me and I will make sure to share the cream of the crop with the rest of our batfans. I will also protect the names of the not so innocent and the innocent if you so desire.

So, sit back, read, and enjoy the show!