Hello batfans!
Today we're going to do things a bit differently. Apparently since I started writing this I have now become a 'go to' girl for questions on women and dating. I welcome this role because, well I've been around the block and can likely give you an opinion on any given situation because I have seen it or been faced with it. Realize that the opinion you're getting is not a general rule, just one woman's perspective. So this is an open call. Have questions? Get them to me, I'll do my best to answer. Anonymously of course.
Without further ado, the questions!
NOTE TO MY DAUGHTER: THIS SECTION IS A BIT TMI SO YOU MAY WISH TO SKIP. I WILL WRITE WHEN IT IS SAFE TO READ AGAIN IN CAPS LIKE THIS SO YOU CAN RESUME.
My friend "Z" asks:
I just...okay...gonna be blushing and embarrassed as I type this...I think it'd be really hot to find a "buddy" who enjoyed receiving oral. I really like doing that. Not so much receiving, but love giving it. We're talking I might even be able to go without actual intercourse because I seem to really enjoy the reaction doing that gets. K...super blushing right now. But how do you even BEGIN to approach a woman with that?
Well "Z", first of all your desire is not all that uncommon, so don't feel like you're some odd freak. You'd be surprised at how many times I have heard this from men. Now let's get right to the meat of things. To answer your question: How do you begin to approach a woman with that, is with honesty. Develop a friendship, and once you have a friendship established and it seems to be heading towards something more, have an honest conversation with her about your likes/dislikes and what it is you're looking for. Conversations about sexual likes/dislikes should not be awkward, and in my opinion should occur between two people looking at taking things to the next level. If you are not compatible isn't it better to find out at the beginning?
You will never find what you want, if you do not ask for it. Now, and this is very important, what you should not do, however, is go into a physical situation without defining your boundaries-on both sides. If this will never be romantic/dating/long term for you, but will be only friends with 'benefits' then be honest and say that is the only thing you're capable of, and see how that fits in with her needs.
There is nothing worse than being told what you "want to hear", and finding out later that it was a crock of crap in order to get something from you. This makes the man/woman on the crappy end of this stick feel like you took away their ability to make informed decisions. At our age, especially, we're perfectly capable of deciding if what you're offering is enough for us, or if we want to pass on what you're offering in order to wait for something more substantial. Honesty is always the best policy. Always. Always. Did I say always?
OK DAUGHTER YOU CAN START READING AGAIN DID NOT WANT TO CREEP YOU OUT!
Another friend, "B", asks,
JB, do all women really want romance? Is that a must have? If so how do you achieve it?
Well "B", this is a tricky one. I say tricky because the definition of romantic changes drastically from woman to woman. One might like to be wined and dined with roses and jewelry (I'll never understand those desires), while another will want you to help in the house, do the dishes once in awhile, and perform other acts of kindness/service (not that kind of service you sick-o-fontes!) to feel romanced, while another (and this is me, for those who care to know)craves time together, snuggles, laughter, or star gazing on a blanket while you tell silly jokes. Do I think every woman wants romance? No, I think there are many who are very practical/logical who don't need that in a relationship.
But how can you tell? Again, the key is communication. Ask her. What is romantic to her? Does she want the "sweep you off your feet" romance that is depicted in romance novels? Does she want a more practical dating experience that fulfills her desires? Once she's told you though, really examine what she has said and determine whether or not that is something that fits with the things you like to do, and decide if it is something you can easily, without resentment, do for long term if things should get serious. It does no good, in the long run, to act outside of your nature in just the beginning knowing full well it will not last. What happens then, is you hook her (or him, this does go both ways!) but then revert to your normal persona and leave her/him sorely lacking in an essential area. Recipe for disaster, that one!
Honesty, honesty, honesty. Be who you are! Find a mate that is compatible on as many levels as possible and work for compromise on the others. That's my opinion, anyway.
This concludes the Q&A section for now. Onward and upward to bigger and funnier things, at least I think!
So, I had a meet and greet with an online friend yesterday. Hot chocolate at Starbucks, always a winner for me. It was a good time, so I don't have any Creeper McCreeperson stories to tell, but! We did come up with a fantastic idea to help those who are newer to dating determine if they are compatible right off the bat!
What's that you say? Share you say? Ok you dragged it out of me.
"L" and I have decided that a dating version of the Amazing Race is in order here in Eugene. It won't be some long drawn out weeks long situation, obviously, but a one day ordeal. The concept goes like this: If you're dating someone and want to know how compatible you will be on the roads of life, contact "L" and I and we will set up a one day "Amazing Race" through Eugene. You will show up in the morning, get a clue to your task, a vehicle (that's been rigged to certainly break down) and your next destination. The two of you work together throughout the day to make it to the final destination by a specific time while encountering all sorts of frustrating and difficult challenges along the way!
Why on earth would anyone do this, you ask? Simple, because life is not sunshine and butterflies and rainbows. If you're in the dating game for a potential life partner you kinda want to know going into it whether or not, when times get tough, you'll be able to communicate and work together. Why wait for life to throw something at you? Let us do that for you! Find out faster how she is when she's really frustrated and angry! Find out how he reacts to things he cannot fix!
I, personally, think this is brilliant and wish I had been able to do this with my last relationship. And the one before, er..and my ex husband..Hrmm...I may have to seriously consider this as a 'must do' for any future dating partners!
Last, but not least, let's get to some creepiness shall we? This is an expansion on what not to do #2 from yesterday:
So, I met this guy about a week and a half ago. I went into it like I go into every meeting, with the expectation of making a new friend and nothing more. We clicked, he was fun. Said he was all the right things for a friend, and potential dating down the road partner. Nice, respectful, polite, etc etc.
Now I will be open and honest and tell you, batfans, that I am steadfast in my "no physical affection" rule. This is crucial for me. I stuck by my guns with this one even though he obviously wanted it to progress further. No, no Boo-Boo as my daughter would say, we need to really know each other first before anything happens (including kissing. I give out kisses on the cheek. That's it!)
I remained steadfast, he remained wanting more. I won. Thank God now, because as you will see in a moment, had I not the drama would be in full swing!
We were hanging out, went to dinner (not a date, just two friends hungry) then decided to watch Tropic Thunder. We arrive at my house when lo and behold! as he was preparing the DVD player I received two texts. I read them, and responded. Just two, mind you, to let my friends texting know that I was busy. Not excessive right? I'm not getting or receiving or sharing texts every 2 minutes, or sextification. Just normal conversation!
Well, this person decides to throw a fit. I had to blink a few times because it was much like watching a two year old fling themselves on the floor and scream because you took his candy. There was storming out of the house. There was angry voice. There was much weirdness. I explain it was 2 texts, friends asking what I was doing, and I let them know I was busy (which I should NEVER have had to do, at this point, or any point really, it's not his business who I'm talking to or what I'm saying, but I digress I am a people pleasure so I try to make it all better).
This did not satisfy this friend, I was told I'm rude and always on that damn phone. Mmkay, I admit I like to text, but I am not like the 50000 messages texter. Normally it's my daughter or my best friend, and I'm sorry if you can't handle that we'll never make it.
I opted to take him home since he was being bitchy, and end things there. No friendship for you if you're this clingy a week in, sorry!
I thought that was the end of it, but no batfans! I get home to be ensconced in drama via yahoo messenger. I ignore it and go to bed only to get up yesterday and have a calm drama free (er from that corner anyway) day. Fast forward to last night: I get a lovely little message on my PoF account that stated the following:
I just finished reading all of your profile. I feel sorry for anyone who reads all of that. It's gibberish and bullshit. You should get a life and stop writing all that crap!!!!!!!
*blink blink* Are we two here? What is the major malfunction Pile?
I just don't get it. If you didn't read my profile, why did you even contact me? Had you done so then maybe I would not have had to endure your beer-induced moments of being a jerk.
I feel cheated! CHEATED! I work hard on that profile, it's my baby, and you just ignore it and go straight for the message because of the pictures?!?!! How in the world do you know what type of person you're meeting if you don't bother to read what they write?!
Oh yah, you're male, and some males (I realize not all are like this) don't care WHO you are as long as you have boobs and they can potentially get what they want.
Barking up the wrong tree here! Maybe that will be my next update on my profiles "If you have read this profile then you have a good idea of who I am and what I'm looking for. To prove you didn't just see the pictures and click 'reply' please include some reference from my profile in your first message."
What's next? Having to fingerprint someone before meeting them?
Er..hrm. THAT is not a bad idea either...
So, the moral of this story? I must be going about it right, because in a past life I likely would have ended up dating the above guy rather quickly without seeing what he's like after the facade falls, and found myself in yet another tragic breakup situation sometime down the line.
YAY ME THIS REALLY WORKS!
To finish, a few snippets of goodness:
"D" writes:
I have to say the funniest things do happen - I was talking to a female who had an ad running, and her stories had me pretty laugh-damaged by the time she was done. Everything from the body builder midget to the guy who kissed her with awful breath and "really thick saliva". I uncontrollably said EWWWWWW! like a third grader, but louder.
I just had a kind of soft job offer there, someone who almost begged me a couple of weeks ago. He said come by when you get to town. Isn't that what Carnival workers do? Hmm, I think I am moving up in the world.
Maybe I shouldn't have made my resume in txt msg stile? Live and learn.
Sex now?
"R" who is quickly becoming one of my favorites, EVER, and who I cannot wait to hang out with in person 'cause I just know we are SO GOING TO BE FRIENDS, writes:
Hey Baby,
My PO gave me a break to get on the computer(they have certain sites blocked, don’t know why) to send my homies a message. So I thought I would drop you an e-mail, is that cool babe? So, sugar lips, you were up kinda late last night, at least the light was still on in your house. And who’s car was that in your driveway, I didn’t recognize it. Hold on, one of my beotches(sp?) is sending me another nude pic, wanna see? Ooh, I am naked in it too, I am going to send it to you for sure! You don’t mind if we have an open relationship do you sweetie? I can invite her over sometime, we can just get drunk, I’ll slip you a roofie and we can smoke another bowl, we’ll make a weekend out of it. You bring the beer, I either want no label or the $2 a bottle stuff, got it schnookims? So in conclusion, bring some gas money and a car, I don’t drive or have a job, buy some condoms, I like menthol cigs by the carton, and you should wear something tight and revealing. Can you handle all of that? Thanks doll.
And, in closing, "J" writes:
I am not sure what people usually first notice about me. Probably the tube socks I shove in my pants before going out in public. Haha, just kidding...or am I?
Until next time batfans! Laugh more, life is too short.
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